Hello. I have a story to tell you. I do not know how long or good it will be, but it must be told and you the reader must take it all in. I am sorry to inconvenience you in this matter but I will do my best to entertain you along the way. Even in this day and age it's still more fun to read between the lines than it is to snort them. You have been warned. Some of the content may be seem especially brutal and harsh if you are evil or stupid or both. But first let me tell you a little about myself.

I am not only the narrator of the story, I am a highly evolved species of supersloth named Ooh the Sloth. The 456 family clan has been especially adept at snubbing authority and partying for 17 millennia and that makes my noble lineage roughly 14 thousand years older than the Ming Dynasty. 456 is not the oldest or wisest supersloth clan. The 337 clan is much older (and deadlier). The 123 clan is wiser and more adept. Our families form tight bonds of energy. We supersloths have been coexisting with humankind on Earth since around 24,000 BC when you were abandoned here by aliens.

Most of our supersloth clans share similar traits like your own unique human cultures. My clan is special because I can ejaculate in three different flavors and I am handsome and soft and made for fornicating with many different females at once. What's more, I can communicate by telepathy with most members of my own species.

I have come from our capital city Soo La Sen to help humans evolve into something more pleasurable to the universe. You humans are always ruining your own lives in search of morality when morality is simply the effect of how you choose to live (meaning planning or dictating a morality is impossible). Many sloths and humans choose to live without experimentation or thought like religious slugs in a garden of dogma. You get your morals out of a fucking book and then wonder why you secretly hate your lives. The ridiculousness of it. But we sloths are not perfect either. We are slow and we don't understand technology very well. Enough about the obvious, however.
What else do you need to know?

The story begins with a young human male named Victor Ulkin. Tirelessly musing schemes to stem the tide of apathy and boredom that grips his species like a plague, Victor finds himself tripping on experimental mind-fuck pills brought in from the Ravulon labs. Although he doesn't know it, he is his home state of Indiana. And he is far away from his loved ones, who are scattered throughout the planet by evil forces.

We now join Victor in Evansville...