yes

James

by kitten
The only thing you ever gave me one time
Was a syringe.
Nothing for Valentine’s
Nothing for favors
Nothing for choking down your fluid.
Oh I swallowed your poison
And only yours
For months on end
Nearly dying a little more each time with disgust.
Only a needle
Politely sterilized
Like the looks we exchange each time we pass
Depending on if you let your eyes meet mine.
If I were you I wouldn’t be able to
Knowing I used and stole
And never gave anything back
Knowing that I wanted to be my brother so bad
But never will be
Knowing I smashed someone’s serenity like that.
Someday maybe you will learn to appreciate the scars
Deep inside me that you have left behind
Everything I drank
And went through for you
Every moment I defended your illnesses from the laughter of others.
But there is no time to bleed it out
I must keep going through the motions
Like the smoke rise like a ghost
Every morning
Getting colder and bitter
Holding it together holding my mother together
So she will be there when I wake up in the morning
Unlike you.
One day your brother will come back from this war
And you will see
And I will see
That you can never, ever be him.
Because everytime I see your face
Smiling in the sunshine
I look at the Spanish moss in your yard
I wish I could hang myself from it
Drifting eternally in the breeze over water.
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